A common bond

"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Good morning readers! Today, I want to thank everyone for all your positive and supportive feedback. Last night, I got some truly amazing emails from people I had no idea even read my blog. You are the ones that keep me writing and keep me going on this journey of mine. I also received some very negative feedback, and to those people I have nothing to say. A deployment is not easy by any means, no matter where your husband is going and no matter for how long, and the majority of us military spouses need a lot of support. I started this blog to publicly display the trials and triumphs of a deployment. I wanted to be very open and very honest with my personal thoughts and feelings from the very first post, this includes last night's "Things you never say to a military spouse."

I don't expect everyone to relate to everything I say, and I don't expect anyone to agree with anything I say, but never in my wildest imagination did I expect to get anything but support from other military spouses. Is it possible that I am being naive? Sure, I suppose so. I guess in a perfect world military spouses would come together to share a common interest, and be there to support one another on this life-changing journey, but we don't live in a perfect world. This isn't "Saving Private Ryan." We don't all sit in a kumbaya circle, holding hands and letting others cry on your shoulder. At least, not anymore. I considered deleting the entire post, but what would that prove? I had to remind myself that this is my journey, my feelings, my blog and it needs to stay honest. I also had to remind myself of all the wonderful, supportive people that read my blog because of a common bond. These girls are only looking for a hand to hold; a friend to lean on. I want to make a promise right now, that I will always be there to listen and offer friendly advice to anyone that comes to me.

Being a spouse of a service member is unlike anything you will ever experience. Some may argue that it's not, but from my own experience and in my honest opinion, I live an extremely different life then "non military spouses" do. I've been noticing in the short time of being a Navy wife that there are basically two different "types" of military spouses. There are some women who will do anything to bring you down, even in your darkest of days, and that needs to be said. Bullying on what is advertised as a "support forum" has gone on for too long and something needs to be done about it. The other type are the ones that exist only to raise you up and offer nothing but love and understanding. I'm a member of three different "support forums" and I can only honesty say I actively use one. HOOT is hands down the best forum I have ever been on and the only one I feel comfortable recommending. They offer the positive support that the majority of military spouses are in search of. My husband is ultimately the best support system I could ever ask for, of course. But for the moments he's not available, which is a lot these days, I would recommend HOOT to anyone.

I hope everyone has a beautiful Sunday, I know I will. Brylie and I are going to go get some ice cream, rent a movie and enjoy this stormy day. Life is a beautiful thing if you let it be. 

"We can conquer the world, in love, you and I."

All by myself, don't wanna be...

The house is especially quiet tonight. It's just me and Brylie this weekend, and oh how I hate being alone in a strange place. Yes, I still feel like I'm in a strange place. It just doesn't feel like home, especially without Bobby. You could say I'm depressed. That's a fair assumption at this point. Brylie is laying next to me, ogling over a bottle of lotion. She's adorable as usual, but not quite satisfying my human interaction needs. I'm needy tonight. I'm a needy, depressed, lonely, emotional, anxious young... person, I suppose. 


But it's only at night, I swear. When the sun goes down, the frown comes around. Could it possibly be my new birth control? I have been a little... irregular the past couple of days while it's been kickin' in. Let's see, what can I do to turn this frown upside down? How about a list? Well, what a great idea Elyssa. Why didn't I think of that? A list of positives. Even more so, a list of things to look forward to. Here we go...


1. My trip to see Bobby is coming up very shortly. If I can just make it through these next x amount of days, I have a big piece of heaven waiting for me on the other side of the world. 
2. The joy in my heart that Brylie gets to see her daddy, and vice versa. Nothing makes a mommy happier then seeing the love in her husband's eyes for their daughter.
3. I have a whole weekend of embarrassment free singing at the top of my lungs. Time to break out the Glee Karaoke. 
4. Everything that is going to happen when I get back from my trip to x. I will be going back to Redding to see my family one last time before Bobby gets back and then I'll be moving into our new house back in gorgeous San Diego.
5. My life in general, I suppose. Yep, I ran out of things. Just the fact that Bobby is coming home in a few months pretty much overpowers everything else.


So if you take pity on me, then please, entertain my sad little heart in some way. Email me, call me, text me, chat with me... I mean really the possibilities are endless. Thank you Internet. 


Happy blogging,
Elyssa and Brylie.

Recap!

Brylie is taking her morning nap, and I was thinking about my blog and how I haven't posted in such a long time. I spent the last 2 weekends in San Diego. It seems to help fill the hole in my heart. Bobby and I made a life there, and having him torn from me was bad enough, but I also had my home taken away from me, and in a way, that's just as bad. It feels like I lost two huge loves in my life; my husband and my comfort zone. Going to San Diego was the best thing that has happened to me since Bobby left. 


The second best thing would be getting Brylie's passport! I had to jump through a few flaming hoops, but I did it and now she is coming with me to go see Bobby! He is unbelievably excited to see his baby girl, she has changed so much and being able to see her will really help him get through the last half of the deployment. And of course, it will help me as well! 


While I was in San Diego, I bought a nice new Nikon D90. It has really come in handy! The weekend I bought it was the Flight of Parade, which celebrated 100 years of Naval Aviation. Brylie and I along with a fellow Navy wife watched it from the 23rd floor of our hotel room. It was amazing! It will also come in handy when Brylie and I go see Bobby in port. After we get back from seeing him, I am going back to see my family in Redding, California for a few weeks and once I get back from there it will be time to start looking for a house! I'm counting down the days!


Happy reading!

I must be crazy... in love!

You will never believe what I just did. I just booked a ticket to go see my hubby! Obviously I can't post any details but I am so excited! I had to share my happiness. 

Disappointed, devastated, discouraged

I received the news earlier tonight that the port call I was supposed to go see my husband in has officially been called off. My emotions are running wild right now, so blogging seemed like my best outlet. I went through 3 stages of emotion after hearing this news, this first being disappointment.

I was disappointed because I had gotten my hopes up, of course. It seemed like it was completely set in stone. I had the exact dates, I had the location, and I was going to officially buy my plane ticket tomorrow. I would have definitely bought a refundable, transferrable ticket, but still... talk about devastated. 


I was devastated because all I have been thinking about was being in the arms of my baby. Because it was so late in the game, it almost feels like my flight landed, I made it on base, saw my husband, starting walking towards him with open arms, and then he vanished into thin air, right in front of my face... within arms reach. Sometimes I feel like Bobby has passed away and I will never see him again. Everyone keeps repeating the same thing over and over, "Just look ahead to the future." Well, it's hard to imagine the future when you've never been there. I've never been through this before, I don't know how time feels when you're apart for so long. I forget. Is it moving fast? Is it going slow? I don't know. The end is so far away I just can't tell! All I know is hurry up and wait. I can't say it enough. I feel so discouraged.


I'm discouraged because I'm afraid to be hopeful again. Literally afraid. I'm scared to get my hopes up again, plain and simple. Nobody likes the feeling of being let down, and if you do then you have issues. My heart is aching right now. I've had my guard up this whole deployment for this exact reason and just as I let it down, completely down, this happens last second. What am I supposed to do in the future? What if, in one week Bobby calls me and says, "Ok, this is when we are going, and we are going here." My head is telling me to block it out, smile and nod and pretend like I am excited, but secretly be wary. But my heart is saying, "Stay positive, it's going to happen, it's all going to work out perfectly." So what am I going to do? The only thing I can do, go with my heart.

Of course I am going to get let down, I am going to get let down for the rest of my life, I know this. It happens and it happens to everyone, especially to the best of us. But if I hide all my hopes and excitement away for fear of being disappointed in the end, then even when things do work out, I still won't be excited. I will always be living in a cautious cloud, blocking the beautiful view of what can be. Wow, I feel amazing after writing this. After tossing and turning for an hour and then finally deciding to blog it out, I'm so glad I did. I think I can get some sleep now, and dream about the day when I finally get to go see my love.

A little of this, a little of that.

Well I haven't had too much to report to the blog front lately, so I'm just going to have a little ramble session. As most of you know, I am planning on flying out to see Bobby the next time he is in port, and I was going to do that by means of a Space A(vailable) flight. If you don't know what that is, I can blog about it in more detail at a different time. But in short, you hitch a ride on a flight going out from base. It's first come, first serve, and goes by rank. So there is a possibility you can get bumped off. You have to be incredibly flexible. I decided me being with my husband was not a flexible option, it was a "I must see him" kind of thing, so I am going to buy a ticket as soon as I know when and where. It's a little up in the air as of right now, which really gets me down. I like having things to look forward to, definite things. 


Something I do have to look forward to though is Brylie and I's mini vacation to Coronado Island in a week. We have a whirlwind of events going on over the course of two days. Brylie has her 4 month wellness... shots... boo, and we're also going to an FRG (Family Readiness Group) Mardi Gras night/meeting on 32nd Street and we are going to stop by the Command to get a letter that says Brylie and I have permission to fly Space A (if we ever need or wanted to). I wish we could stay longer, I'm looking forward to taking B to the beach and walking around the Island. Everyone who has ever been to Coronado knows Orange Ave. is a great strip to walk and shop. Panera has always been my restaurant of choice, give me a Cheddar Broccoli Bowl and I'm in heaven. Not to mention the luxury of no tax when you shop at the NEX. Hmm... I'm starting to think one night is not going to be enough. 


Some of Brylie's recent accomplishments include rolling over, laughing, following with her eyes, reaching and grabbing for things she sees, holding her bottle and getting cuter every day. What a big, smart, beautiful 4 month old I have! Her eyes are bluer than ever, hair is still brown. Although, we have stopped using head bands for the time being because she is losing hair where the bands are. Oops! So now I style her hair and use clips. She wears size 6 month clothing and size 2 diapers. Her favorite toys are her steering wheel that sings the ABC's and lights up, and her telephone rattle. She has just about outgrown her car seat so on Friday we are going to buy her a new one. They grow up so fast, don't they? 


Well, I think I have talked your ear of enough for today. I hope everyone has a great day or night, wherever you are! 

Divine Intervention

I wasn't sure if I was going to sit down and write a post tonight. I felt like there was nothing for me to say that would be able to capture everyone's attention like I want. But, as you can probably guess, I've been inspired. Divine intervention. I'm sure you've all heard that term before, many times. What does a divine intervention mean to you? For me, it's just that. There is no "proper" definition. It is what you make of it. In fact, I feel more comfortable calling it a beautiful interruption. Yeah, I like that. 


For now, I want to take a closer look at the word "intervention." After searching through many different definitions of the word, I feel like the one that applies to my life the most is "the act or fact of interfering so as to modify." From the moment my husband mentioned the word "deployment," my life has been significantly modified. Until a few weeks ago, I acted like a child that just got her favorite toy smashed with a hammer. I kicked and I screamed and I threw tantrums... daily. I felt like my entire world was collapsing around me. I was angry at my husband, his job, the life I chose, and I was especially angry at God. He was doing this to me, after all, this horrible thing. He was tearing my family apart and He was doing it on purpose. How could He bless us with such a precious, beautiful gift only to spill out an entire ocean between us? What a mess He created. 


Now I want to discuss the present, and with it, the word "divine." Once again, I searched over several sites on the definition of divine and feel drawn to "supremely good or beautiful; magnificent." But Elyssa, you just wrote a whole paragraph on how angry you are about all this, now you're going to try and say it's a divine thing? A magnificent thing? Yes. Because it is. At least, that's how it's turning out to be. My marriage is now the strongest it has ever been. I'm not saying our marriage has ever been in trouble but it's definitely been shaken, it's been tested, but our foundation has always proven strong. I'm learning more about myself, I'm bonding with my beautiful daughter, and I feel like I am maturing more so than ever. 


So thank you God, I understand now.